Thursday, August 11, 2011


To the question of your life, you are the only answer.  To the problems of your life, you are the only solution. ~ Jo Coudert

These people won't EVER change, so why do I keep thinking they will? I have given these people, more chances then I should have, it has been thrown in my face by a lot of other people, that since I dealt with it for this long, why try and change now. I never had the strength to do this before now. I don't know why either? These people live, and thrive off of other people's misery. I have been holding in these feelings, of betrayal, and hurt, for so long. I don’t know where to begin to pick up the pieces and move on. Through this process of elimination, I have really searched my heart, and soul. I really haven't come up with any answers though, and that's what still bothers me. I do know that I want to be happy. I want to be able to enjoy the accomplishments I that I have made. I want to be proud of ME, again. I can't do any of that while holding on to the past. I can't keep all of this bottled up inside me. I am making very slow progress in the wake of deleting these people. 

We didn't even have a house warming party because of these people and their jealousy of us! We couldn't celebrate anything, because we were afraid of the backlash. There's just so much we never did because of them! How is that fair? No one seems to understand this, so they just look at us like we're the shit starters. It is so old, and over bearing. We have never done anything, but accept these people for who they were, and congratulated them. When it came time for us to actually do something with our lives, where's our congratulations? Where's our acknowledgement? We have been through hell and back for the past 5 years, but nope sorry we need to just get over it, and move on? I would like to see how any other people in our shoes would have dealt with all this for 5 years! 

I know all this is starting to sound like a broken record, I get it, I understand, really I do. It's just so much pain and hurt. I have been able to get over break ups, better, and faster than this. My whole goal is just have someone, somewhere understand my pain and my side of it. Just be like Ben, I understand, and I'm sorry you were put through this, and you're doing the right thing. Actually what I should say to myself is: Ben, even though it doesn't seem like it, you are doing the right thing, and this is what needed to happen. Move on, move forward! Everything, happens for a reason. 

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