Monday, September 19, 2011

Constant reminders.

I keep having constant reminders of how things used to be. I see, and hear people speak of up coming events, that are hosted by them. Back then, we would be the first people told about these events, now we hear the information trickle down from other people. It has been easier for me lately to not dwell, and think constantly of the past. But it's like I really know now that they, in fact could care less about us. That's fine, I guess at least I know, and don't have to wonder. I should have blocked, and deleted more people, because those people that I didn't, now are the constant reminders. I still like those people, but not as much as I did before. I thought it would have been awkward if I would have deleted them, now it's more awkward. We don't talk, or message each other, so what's the difference.  If I would have deleted them, I wouldn't  have to hear the insistent bullshit about them, from these people. I only feel like I have failed a handful of times in my life, the bad thing is the last couple of fails that I have had, is because of them. It's like a constant buzzing in my head, that refuses to go away. All I hear about is, oh they are doing this, oh they are doing that. Really!? Why do I care? Why would you think I want to know, unless I specifically ask you.

I'm not good at giving advice anymore. I am not good at listening anymore. I try, and try to see things from a different point of view, but I can't see past my own problems, my own reality. I know people are going through, or have been through what I am going through. I get it, I really do. I don't care anymore what any body else has gone through, I never got the type of support that I have given people. It's hard to see and be around the common friends we have. I don't know if they are telling whole, or half truths to me. I would hope that they told me the truth, but I know people take it upon themselves, to "protect" you. Well I don't need protecting, I need to hear what is really being said about me. I know shit's been said, but no one has the balls to tell me. So they are pussy's for still being there friends and not standing up for themselves. And you decide to take the high road, and not tell me everything that has been said. Makes perfect impractical sense to me. so I remove myself from being hurt, and treated like shit from fake "friends", and now I have friends that can't see or won't see what's really going on. Wow, this is the story to a bad movie.

Welcome to my life, I hope yours is better than mine. I hope you don't have the same type of shit, that I do in your life. There is no quote I can type to make this better.

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