Wednesday, September 7, 2011

The countdown begins.

So now it's time for the obligatory countdown. You say, "Ben, what are we counting down to?" I say, "We are counting down to the faux wedding of the century!" Ta da. Well century is actually a compliment so I will just say year. I am feeling so much stress, and discontent about this ceremony. I feel that this will be a make it, or break it for the friendship we have with these people, having this ceremony. They say or have said that if it came down to it, that they would ultimately pick us over them. Well actions speak louder than words, and as of right now their actions are yelling at me. It's like the girl who's in the ceremony picked Melissa up and took her to go and get her wedding dress. They were talking, and having a decent day from what I gathered. If this would have been me, I would have been a little confused about my feelings. So it's OK to hang out like this, and everything's fine, but we still have the stress of knowing we are going to run into these people at this ceremony. How is that fair? I am just so confused, and stressed out by all of this. I really, truly, want to be friends with these people. We do have fun, and enjoy the company. They live a different lifestyle then we do, but we get along. I don't know if they would be life long friends per se, but for right now it's OK, and fun to hang out with them. I guess I'm taking a lot of this out on them, when I shouldn't be. I guess it's easier for me to attack them, then it is to confront the people I want to. I still believe this is a mockery of a wedding, but what can I do about it? Nothing, so I am moving on I could give a shit less about this mockery. It won't effect me either way. I just feel that marriage, ceremony's, and rings, are a greater commitment, and bond then what is being shown by them. The day I got married, was the best day of my life. What that means to me, is a very strong, and powerful bond, my wife, and I have together.

OK cool, now that I got that part of the equation sorted, let me start dissecting the other part's of this. So when I start thinking of what else is stressing me, it comes down to "them". So what am I supposed to do about it? That I still have not figured out. I have two days, to work on figuring it out. The third day, is the actual day. It sounds like we will be there way before "they" show up. I don't know if that's good thing or not? We have to help set up and get ready. So to me that means that when "they" do show up, I'm going to be tired from waking up so damn early, and setting up. It seems to me like when "they" first get there, they won't do anything. But later when it comes down to walking the aisle, that's when I think they might try something. Like whispering something rude to me, or Melissa. Because at that point when we have to focus all of our attention on what we are doing, we wouldn't have the chance to say something back to them. What if we are standing up there, and they start glaring? It's just gonna suck to have to put on this fake smile, and pretend nothing is bothering me. This pretending bullshit, is stupid.

I don't what I am actually trying to accomplish from this writing, but at least someone out there will know what I'm feeling. Well whatever, time to look forward to tomorrow.

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