Tuesday, August 9, 2011


Well that's how it is right now, at an impasse. Impasse definition: A situation in which no progress is possible, esp. because of disagreement; a deadlock. Damn, I finally made a decision in my life, that's good for me. Now why am I catching so much shit for it?  I have waited for many years to be able, to be at this point. Now here comes the backlash, and it's for a stupid thing, not the really important issues. Why can't you confront me!? Yet you have the audacity, to confront my wife!? So this road I'm on now, I knew it would be a hard time, but not this hard.

I am a part of our mutual friends wedding. Now I have to worry, not only about protecting my wife and I, but not ruining my friends wedding. The other "friends" are invited too, so what am I supposed to do? Do I? A: Go up to them and be fake and act like everything is normal? Or do I? B: Risk pissing off, or ruining the mutual friends wedding by saying something back to them, if they say something to me? I really do not know what to do at this point.

So my wife and I, were discussing all this. I had an epiphany! Back when our "friends" were hurting or talking shit about our other friends, my wife, and I, didn't say anything, or do anything for our friends. Looking back on this, I really wish I would have done something at least, but sadly no. Now, when WE are going through what these other people already have, and were not getting the support from them, I totally get it now. We weren't there for you when you really needed us, but were expecting you to be there for us, when we need it, and it's not happening. I totally get it too.

My wife met with my "friend's" aunt. We knew going in to this that we are mutual friends with their family members, and we know that they would have our "friends" back. What I was hoping for, was at least they could kinda see our side, or if not support us, see why we had to do what we did. Well it turns out that the aunt had to get permission, to speak to my wife. Wow, I guess this clan of people have more pull than I thought.

Why can't people just ask you why you did that? Or why can't they confront you, themselves if they have any issues with you, or what you did? I'm finally standing up for myself, and people can't or won't accept that! It has taken me 20 years to figure out what to do with this "friend", and people just think oh it's another tiff, or argument. No, it's not! This is for real, and we will never be friends again, period! I wish people could understand the struggle, I have had, with this issue. This decision did not come lightly, but has been many years in the making. I know I wasn't strong enough back then, I know this. Why I held on for so long? I still at this very minute do not know, why I did. I know in the long run, this is what I needed to do. In the short term, damn, this backlash, and nonsupport I am feeling really makes me question my decision. Why!? Why!? Why, can I not finally break free from this? I have suffered enough. Leave me alone!

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