Trains.

I always have loved trains. I would wonder where they are going, where they have been. In a way it's kinda relaxing, to watch them. The raw power is awesome. Enjoy the pictures. Pictures by Memories By Melissa.

 

Reliving your youth.

Photo's by: Memories By Melissa.

So this weekend, we got to have our nephew spend the night with us. This is actually rare for us to do. My wife, Melissa, picked him up on Friday afternoon, and brought him to our house. They stopped by our skatepark we have down here, and he got to skate for an hour or so before it was dark. When I got home, he had the Xbox going and I hopped on for a couple of rounds, which was cool because I haven't played games for awhile now. Melisa, let him get a movie to watch during dinner. It was a rated "R" movie. (go figure a 12 year old picking out an R movie lol). So we popped in the movie during dinner and it was the movie "Hall Pass". What did you know it had boobs, swearing, drinking, and everything else a 12 year old probably shouldn't be watching, Ha ha.

The next morning we woke up and made a good breakfast. We had eggs, sausage, English muffins, and cinnamon rolls. Damn that was good. While we were eating breakfast, we started the movie again since we didn't finish it from last night. Now If you haven't seen this movie let me tell you, it has some funny, but raunchy humor in it. For my wife, and I, that's fine, but not for our nephew. They were talking about faux jobs. Really?! Holy shit! The whole entire time my nephew is just busting out laughing about this, and the reaction my wife was giving. Great times.

We all went back to the skatepark, so he could do some more skating. My wife, and I, got to take some pictures. It was so much fun just watching him skate around. When I was a teenager, most of my friends were skaters. So I occasionally jumped on a skateboard too. My friends and I would have loved a place like this. We would have been at this place for hours. It was just fun watching him do tricks, just have fun.

Every once in awhile, you just have to relive your youth through new eyes. Enjoy the moment in time right now. Those are the best memories to have.

Seattle's waterfront.

Photo's by Memories By Melissa

Abstract moment in time.

Clouds.

Photo's by Memories By Melissa.

The journey of the uncertain path.

Sometimes we will have paths placed in front of us. It's up to you, and only you, to make the decision to take this path or wait for another one, that may never show up. If we have enough in us to conquer the fears associated with these paths, we might actually like where it lead us. Believe in yourself, and take a new path in life.

A childhood memory.

When I was a child, I remember watching this movie. It was called The Dark Crystal. It was made, and directed by Jim Henson. It was released in 1982. I don't remember the actual age I was when I first saw this movie, but it blew me away. I would always watch show's like The Muppet's, and Fraggle Rock. I really liked the puppetry, and just how much fun it was. So when I saw The Dark Crystal, it was amazing. When I first watched it I didn't quite understand it, but throughout the years I would re watch it, and understand more. Jim Henson was an amazing person, with an amazing imagination, he passed away May 16, 1990. Way too soon if you ask me. The Dark Crystal, always kept my imagination, and I would think about the movie, and the characters. Later on in life, I was in a store, and was looking at some action figures. I saw a box and it said The Dark Crystal, I walked over to the boxes, and grabbed them. They were the characters Jen, and Kira, from the movie, I grabbed the boxes down, and just stared at them. I was blown away by the details. It was like looking at them straight from the movie. I bought them both, and have been happy ever since. Below are some pictures of them, I hope you enjoy them, as much as I have. To relive some good childhood memories is the best feeling.  

Jen

Kira

An adventure.

So yesterday, was like any other day at work. It started normal, I was basically going through the paces. I was walking down a flight of stairs, then it happened. The power spiked for a second, then complete power loss for 35 to 45 seconds. Now that doesn't seem like a long time, but when this building is home to multi million dollar corporations, that is a very long time. So I walk out of the stairwell, I am so lucky I know this building well, and can find my way around. The lights had not even came back on until I was outside. I am seeing the poof of black smoke bellowing out of the backup generators firing up. Ok good, I am thinking we will return to full power really soon. Nope that was wishful thinking on my part. So I start making my calls I'm supposed to, so I can let people know what has happened, and the status of the situation. My first phone call, I get, (jokingly) "Do you know the Seahawks are playing?"  I said, (jokingly) "Do you know there's a power failure?"  I get a response of, "Oh, wow, ok, really, holy shit!" I said, "Well , the backup generators are running, but we only have half power" he says, "ok, I called someone, and they are on the way" I say, "Ok, thank you" I run into the building and there's alarms going off, to say the generators are running. I have a person stop my in the lobby, and say, "My wife's stuck in the elevator!" Holy shit! I'm thinking, I can't do anything without the proper authorization, but how am I supposed to tell this guy that? I call back my first call, and tell him about the person who was stuck in the elevator. He says, "He's on his way, and he knows what to do, just wait for him" I say, "ok".

So finally, the guy shows up. I tell him everything that's going on. He says, "I just need to hit the bypass switch, and the person will be out of the elevator" He hits the switch and I walk towards the elevator, and the person gets out of the elevator. Good, finally. I walk back to the guy, and say, "They're out of the elevator" He says, "Good, now all we have to do, is wait for the generator to switch off, and wait for the power to come back online" At this point we were running half power, and half generator. Some things were working, others were not. The countdown began for the generators to switch off and full power to be restored. as of 10 pm that night, full power was still not restored and the generators were still running.

The aftermath:
So 1 of the company's had their own generator and it was running along side the buildings, so they turned out to fair pretty good considering. Some of the other company's though, did not fair very well. Today I heard about 2 major server rooms being fried. 1 company had to have a part shipped up from Oregon, and they didn't have their servers until that part arrived. Another company's server room had a fail safe device that failed. They had to reroute traffic from their servers to others. Then on top of all that, the cooling towers for the whole building went down, that means there is no A/C anywhere in the building. Damn! What a crazy mess of an adventure this was.
Till next time.

Humor.

Realization's.

To the question of your life, you are the only answer.  To the problems of your life, you are the only solution. ~ Jo Coudert

These people won't EVER change, so why do I keep thinking they will? I have given these people, more chances then I should have, it has been thrown in my face by a lot of other people, that since I dealt with it for this long, why try and change now. I never had the strength to do this before now. I don't know why either? These people live, and thrive off of other people's misery. I have been holding in these feelings, of betrayal, and hurt, for so long. I don’t know where to begin to pick up the pieces and move on. Through this process of elimination, I have really searched my heart, and soul. I really haven't come up with any answers though, and that's what still bothers me. I do know that I want to be happy. I want to be able to enjoy the accomplishments I that I have made. I want to be proud of ME, again. I can't do any of that while holding on to the past. I can't keep all of this bottled up inside me. I am making very slow progress in the wake of deleting these people. 

We didn't even have a house warming party because of these people and their jealousy of us! We couldn't celebrate anything, because we were afraid of the backlash. There's just so much we never did because of them! How is that fair? No one seems to understand this, so they just look at us like we're the shit starters. It is so old, and over bearing. We have never done anything, but accept these people for who they were, and congratulated them. When it came time for us to actually do something with our lives, where's our congratulations? Where's our acknowledgement? We have been through hell and back for the past 5 years, but nope sorry we need to just get over it, and move on? I would like to see how any other people in our shoes would have dealt with all this for 5 years! 

I know all this is starting to sound like a broken record, I get it, I understand, really I do. It's just so much pain and hurt. I have been able to get over break ups, better, and faster than this. My whole goal is just have someone, somewhere understand my pain and my side of it. Just be like Ben, I understand, and I'm sorry you were put through this, and you're doing the right thing. Actually what I should say to myself is: Ben, even though it doesn't seem like it, you are doing the right thing, and this is what needed to happen. Move on, move forward! Everything, happens for a reason. 

A picture moment.

This picture was taken by my wife Melissa, enjoy. Serenity in life is what I need right now.

Impasse.

Well that's how it is right now, at an impasse. Impasse definition: A situation in which no progress is possible, esp. because of disagreement; a deadlock. Damn, I finally made a decision in my life, that's good for me. Now why am I catching so much shit for it?  I have waited for many years to be able, to be at this point. Now here comes the backlash, and it's for a stupid thing, not the really important issues. Why can't you confront me!? Yet you have the audacity, to confront my wife!? So this road I'm on now, I knew it would be a hard time, but not this hard.

I am a part of our mutual friends wedding. Now I have to worry, not only about protecting my wife and I, but not ruining my friends wedding. The other "friends" are invited too, so what am I supposed to do? Do I? A: Go up to them and be fake and act like everything is normal? Or do I? B: Risk pissing off, or ruining the mutual friends wedding by saying something back to them, if they say something to me? I really do not know what to do at this point.

So my wife and I, were discussing all this. I had an epiphany! Back when our "friends" were hurting or talking shit about our other friends, my wife, and I, didn't say anything, or do anything for our friends. Looking back on this, I really wish I would have done something at least, but sadly no. Now, when WE are going through what these other people already have, and were not getting the support from them, I totally get it now. We weren't there for you when you really needed us, but were expecting you to be there for us, when we need it, and it's not happening. I totally get it too.

My wife met with my "friend's" aunt. We knew going in to this that we are mutual friends with their family members, and we know that they would have our "friends" back. What I was hoping for, was at least they could kinda see our side, or if not support us, see why we had to do what we did. Well it turns out that the aunt had to get permission, to speak to my wife. Wow, I guess this clan of people have more pull than I thought.

Why can't people just ask you why you did that? Or why can't they confront you, themselves if they have any issues with you, or what you did? I'm finally standing up for myself, and people can't or won't accept that! It has taken me 20 years to figure out what to do with this "friend", and people just think oh it's another tiff, or argument. No, it's not! This is for real, and we will never be friends again, period! I wish people could understand the struggle, I have had, with this issue. This decision did not come lightly, but has been many years in the making. I know I wasn't strong enough back then, I know this. Why I held on for so long? I still at this very minute do not know, why I did. I know in the long run, this is what I needed to do. In the short term, damn, this backlash, and nonsupport I am feeling really makes me question my decision. Why!? Why!? Why, can I not finally break free from this? I have suffered enough. Leave me alone!

A new year's resolution in August.

I am going to keep myself from bad situations. I am going to remove bad people, and bad energy from my life.

A quote I saw from one of my really good friends:

"There comes a time in life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh and love you for who you are. Forget the bad, focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living."

These are truly words to live by. I really have learned this the hard way. I have had a "friend" in my life for 20 years! This person was never a true friend to me. I have distanced myself from him and our friendship. We will no longer be friends, and I'm ok with that. This is a new beginning, and a new direction for me, and I am in uncharted territory. I don't know where my life will take me from here on out, but I have some really good, genuine, true friends, and a loving caring wife that has always been on my side. That's more support then some other people get when they are going through rough times. I am truly grateful, and thankful for all of them. Thank you guys, you mean the world to me, and I will show you more often. 

Breaking out from a rut, in your life is the hardest thing to do. That's why most people don't do it. They just keep the same negative, unsupportive, people around. It's ok to try new things, or meet new people. We all deserve to be happy, and have friends that truly care about us. Being a friend shouldn't be a workout, it shouldn't be hard. 

For the love of yourself, because that's what matters most. Try and be happy. If you work on yourself first, everything else will be a little bit easier. These new steps for me, will be hard only if I let it be.

A relaxing moment, in a hectic life.

Just take a moment and look at this picture, it might make you feel better. It was a beautiful day, and a beautiful moment in life. It is the end of a very, very long week for me. I just really need to calm down, and relax. I hope you all have a great weekend, and get a chance to rest, and relax also.

Movie review? Not quite.

I watched the "Source Code" movie. I thought it was an excellent movie. I'm glad that they could come up with a new twist on a old plot. This movie really got me thinking, what if you could go back in time, and change an outcome? Would you? I think back on some decision's I made, and think what if I would have chose that, instead of this? What would things be like for me now? If you really sit down, and think about it, there is so many different choices in your life.

I have "friends" that I talk about in earlier post's, what if we would have stopped being friends back then, instead of now? I think my life would be better, then it is now. I wouldn't be in the situation, and confusion, I am now, that's for sure. So since I know there is no time machine, I need to come up with a better way to look at all my options, for decisions later. I guess when you think about it, you get into  following a routine, and have a hard time switching gears, in the way you live your life. I know I fall in to this type of thinking, and that's one reason why its hard for me, to move on now. Everything is the "norm" and I don't wanna rock the boat. I have to change that. I have to change the way I think about things, because this constant anxiety, and stress isn't good for me, or anyone. Why can't I just say, "Dude, I don't wanna be friends anymore." "We have nothing in common, and I hate how you treat me." "This has to stop now, and I'm stopping it!" I wish it was that easy. I just said what I have been wanting to say for the longest time!

Going back in time, would have made this easier. I think everyone has that thought, every once in awhile. Well I am moving forward, living in the what if's, isn't helping me. Tough decision's lay in front of me, and time will help me make them. I just hope it doesn't take too long.

Well guess what? It hasn't taken too long because as of right damn now! I have FINALLY deleted these assholes, out of my life! I will never look back, and I will never go back! You need me more than I need you! Deal with it, and shut the fuck up! You are a narcissistic, self centered asshole, I do hate you, and I am moving on! Yes it does mean I don't wanna be friends! Have a long life with your family, that's all you have left!  You brought this on yourself, and you only have yourself to blame! You didn't, and have never carried me, if anything I have carried you!!!

A picture of Seattle.

This is a picture of Seattle, taken by my beautiful wife Melissa. She has a great gift when it comes to picture taking, I just wish I had the same talent. Enjoy the picture. Please click the link to see more, beautiful pictures by her. Thank you. Memories By Melissa

Why do people hold "family" in such high regards?

I have never understood why people hold a "family" member in such a high regard? I look at it like this, if a stranger comes up to you and and tells you to fuck off, what are you gonna do? You're going to tell them to fuck off and walk away. If a friend comes up to you and tells you to fuck off, you're again going to tell them to fuck off and walk away. Now when it comes to a family member, they come up to you and tell you to fuck off, most people will be like oh OK no big deal. Nope, not happening, me you tell me to fuck off irregardless of who you think you are, I'm telling you to fuck off and we ain't talking for awhile, or if it was that serious, we ain't family or friends anymore. I will not take that kind of shit from anyone who would consider themselves "family". A family member is no one other than who you are stuck with, if you want to be, not me. I will drop any and all communication with anyone.

I haven't talked to my sister in over 3 and a half years! Good riddance, that was the best move I could have made for me and my life, she was a cesspool, a virus of negativity, and hatred. I would be in the best mood, go over to her house and an overwhelming sensation of a bad mood, or just negativity would come over me and I would be in that type of mood until I left her house. If I would have had a choice in a sibling I damn sure would not have picked her, and I know damn well that she would not have had picked me either. We have had hate for each other ever since I could remember. She lost her precious attention from our mother when I was born and I have paid for it ever since. For example I was in an extremely bad car accident (I'm not going into details in this particular blog but I might later). I was taken to the hospital and I asked my wife to call my sister so she could come up and visit. Later I found out from my wife, that she had to literally talk, and convince my sister to come up and see me! What?! Really?! You had to be talked into coming up to see me, your only brother?! Damn! That's just foul as hell, that shows you guys what I have known my whole life, I almost died and she couldn't give a shit less about me. So that was one reason out of many that I decided to cease all communication with her.

I haven't talked to most of my family for many of years, for various valid reasons, to me there's just no point, I don't have anything in common with these people anymore. Why try? All it is, is obligatory because we're "family". So if I can do this to "family" why the hell can't I do this with anybody else?

If any person is constantly, mean, rude, and backstabbing, to you why do you HAVE to keep them in your life? Even if they are "family" you don't need to be treated like shit, ever! A person's title should have no bearing on if you want them in your life, or not. Every person deserves to be treated with respect!.

2nd chances are a blessing that some people, don't deserve! You have the right, to be happy. Be happy.

Something new.

This weekend, I got to try something new. It was great, and I had a blast doing it. We checked out a modern, antique store. Normally we just wouldn't do this, but we both were like we have to do this. I am so glad we did. They had a lot of cool stuff in there. Good prices, good atmosphere, and friendly service. We were just going aisle by aisle, just looking, and taking everything in. I saw some old framed photo's of the street that we parked on from like, 1918! It was amazing to me, to see how much this place, we were at had changed. Things were so much different back then. I wish I could go back, in a time machine or something, and check it out first hand. I saw some old toys that were "antiques" that I actually used to play with when I was a kid, this kinda made me feel old, but nostalgic. I remembered the hours, and hours I played with, the old He-Man, and Thundercats action figures. Great memories just filled me with joy.

Sometimes in life, you need to stop the "normal", try something new, and reflect on the past. This will help ease your mind, at least for a couple minutes, and help move toward the future.