Life 2015.

 I haven't been writing lately, because life has been very interesting, but not in a good way. I don't even know how many weeks it has been since this all happened. Things have been a blur of nerves, emotions and mixed feelings. It started one day when I pulled into my garage at work. I got out of my car and watched a person speeding through my garage. Literally, tires were squeeling as they tore through the garage. I confronted the person in the garage and I was telling them the problem with them doing that. Long story short, they couldn't give a shit less and they were actually pissed off at me telling them they were wrong. I left the person alone and walked away. I got close to my desk and I said to my coworker "that guy is being an asshole." Well all of a sudden, this guy comes up to the desk and says, "What did you call me?" My coworker, I thought, took care of the person and all was over. I even said to my coworker that I had fucked up and shouldn't have said that. This was on a wednesday, Thursday, I was asked by a few people what had happened. I told them and I told them I messed up and shouldn't have said anything. They all said they would have done the same thing as I did. I also received a call from a manager, but he didn't say anything to me about anything. Friday, I asked my supervisor why ideas being asked what happened. He said he told them to cut the guy off at the pass and tell them before he could. It makes sense, but why would you say something at all, if you took care of it days ago with the guy himself?

 Monday, I come into work and here's my supervisor with a write up. I look at him like he's fucking crazy. I literally ask him if he's kidding. He says no and says what you didn't think this would happen? I said absolutely not. Well things starting changing at that point with me and him. I knew he was trying to cover his ass, but I thought he would cover mine too. Well that's why we're here now. Again, I know I fucked up, I know I did something bad, but I didn't think it was as serious as it was. Looking back now, I know of that wouldn't have happened, something else would have. 

 Three weeks go by, and I'm still working there, but I'm hearing all these people say, it it was up to them I would be gone. So what the fuck? Why keep me there for so long, but you want me gone? I am so confused at this point, I don't even know what to do. Well for whatever reason, whoever got their head out of their ass and said Friday was my last day. As you can see I was going through the twelve steps of pissed-off-ness. So here what happened, they offered me to work in Seattle instead of Bellevue. To me this can't happen, I can't physically, emotionally and mentally work there. I have anxiety through the roof with the mention of Seattle, let alone going there. So my only feasible option was to take a paycut to stay in Bellevue, while I look for a new job completely. I knew that after I didn't get the supervisor position for my building I have been working at for 12 years, that I didn't have a way to move up in my company. That I didn't have any chance to use my skills and my experience I have gained. As these thought filled my head, the dread started. I would have to leave the place I knew for 12 years, my place of comfort and security. They actually tried to make me work ten days straight. What company does that? So the new busing I work at its like a soul sucking black hole. It makes you not want to try. I can't stay in a place like that for too long. I had to fill in at another building on wednesday. It was across the street from the Factoria Mall. That's an amazing neighborhood, that was sarcastic if you couldn't tell. So this is a compound of 6 medium rise buildings. This is over a couple city blocks wide site and they consider it a tier 2 site, meaning lower pay. I've gathered that, my pay was one of the highest besides supervisors in Bellevue. Why wouldn't they want to pay me less? Why wouldn't they want to change my old building into a tier 2 and give those guys a pay cut? Well, whatever, it's no loss when you actually sit and think about it. So what if my old supervisor takes a paycut? I asked him to be a reference and for a letter of recommendation, he said he would. Still hasn't, so what does that mean? I don't know, but I know that some peoples words don't mean a whole lot to themselves, let alone to other people. 

 Brighter news, I actually have received calls of interest about my résumé. Me stick piling experience paid off in that regard. What doesn't look good is me not being supervisor for that long and hits being a regular employee. That might make people think bad of me. This time has been the worst for us. We have been through more serious than this, but it's either way too much or we're not able to cope as well, as we used to. We have been more stressed out and freaked out for the future than ever before. If I don't find a new job with as much money or more than I was making before, we're fucked. So back to that ten days straight schedule, I had to use my personal day and lose a day of pay for us to have a "weekend". Our weekend was actually Thursday and Friday. We did actually have a very good weekend, but stress is always there. Anxiety, is always there. When you are unsure about anything, you can't enjoy anything. You feel guilty for having fun or spending money. I put us in this situation, it is my job to take care of us. All real men knows what that feels like. 

 I can't get our hopes up for anything, I'm just hopeful for something to come song that will be what we need. I do know everything happens for a reason. Bad things have happened before and they eventually worked out in the end, but getting to the end is the hardest part. I couldn't do any of this without Melissa by my side. I am so thankful to have her.