Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Everything was a test that ended in validation.

 When things at my old building turned for the worst, I thought it was over. I thought I was screwed and I just ruined our lives. I know everything happens for a reason, you just have to find out the reason. I had close to 12 years of experience working in the same building. When the opportunity for site supervisor came about, I was like this is my chance to move up and make a career out this. It came down to three people for it. We all got our first and second interviews. When I wasn't picked I was pissed off. I couldn't understand why they didn't pick me. I know the building with my eyes closed. I was told that I was "rough around the edges", that "sat down aggressively" and they were looking for a new direction. They ended up picking a almost a year in new guy, but he had military experience. Okay, okay, I get it. Okay time to focus on getting better. I can do this, it's not like I haven't ever been turned down for a supervisor position. In fact, my first time, I never even got a call back. I got some generic email saying they weren't interested. I waited a couple of years and tried again. This time I got a call back and a interview. My manager told me that my application was "pulled out of the garbage to give me a shot". Wow, that's some harsh shit to hear. Well obviously, I didn't get that one either. That's why I was so hopeful for this third time around. 

 A person can only take so much before stop giving a shit about anything. So after the third disappointment, that's when the whole asshole thing happened. That's when I was kicked out of my site I had been working at for almost 12 years. I had never been written up before and I was never in trouble. I worked extra shifts a good amount of times. And that's how I get treated. Again, I know it was serious, but it was not that serious. So I got thrown into this Stone Age, soul and life sucking building. I have this crazy schedule and no Saturday, Sunday weekends. I had to fill in for another site that was up near Factoria mall. The only good thing was, I was able to talk to an old coworker, who was now site supervisor there. She was telling me about all these people she has written up and they're still working there. She told me about a person who management does not like, but still works there. Wow, is that so!? Clearly the office was out to get me. So I had been applying for different jobs. I found a health care place that sounded amazing for me and my career. I found a couple other places that would be okay for what I am doing know. I had a couple interviews, but nothing was panning out. As I was traveling between all theses places, anxiety was getting to me. Panic attacks, were affecting me. I would be stuck in traffic or traveling farther than I was before. This was happening as I was trying to get used to my new building. My new schedule. I heard from an acquaintance, that our ex friends grandma had died. Now I am not a ruthless, heartless asshole, I was not about to call them. Melissa thought we should send them a card. I really didn't want to, but we did anyways. 

 Today on my way to work, I had a moment of clarity. I was thinking to myself, that this was a test, all of it was. I said no to two jobs because they wouldn't work. I had an interview with the  health place and an interview with another place where I was placed on a call list. The health job, would have me driving all over the place on the freeway stuck in traffic, just all of that. I would be interacting with all sorts of people. My test? It was to get me prepared for all of my responsibilities. Traffic, different buildings, different people, just all sorts of different from what I'm used to. This morning, Melissa and I saw two Hawks flying around our house. We have seen Hawks before, but not two flying around with each other. My old supervisor texted me and said the health place called him and it went good. The clarity, the tests were for this moment, this is what I have been waiting for. I was called by the health place and was offered a job and I accepted it. 

 Everything happens for a reason. I was supposed to go through all of this, all of these tests to make sure I was ready. Well I am, I am ready for this new chapter. I feel validated but the fact that this company liked everything about me and my experience to give me a job. You can't have a future, without a past. You can't live in the past, you have to look to the future. 

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