Seventh Day.

 I have not smoked a single cigarette, or even inhaled any cigarette smoke, in seven days. This is just the start of my seventh day, but I know I am going to be able to get through it. I still am having cravings. They are slowly getting better. Sometimes the cravings are just absolutely overwhelming. It almost feels like a panic attack. I get really antsy, aggravated, just irritable. I try and take deep breaths. Or I try eating a mint or something. Eventually the craving does go away, but sometimes it lasts for almost an hour. All these websites I have been reading about quitting smoking say cravings only last a couple of minutes. I wish it would only last a couple of minutes. I have been taking my time when doing activities. I have been trying to have more patients for people. I have to actively keep my tone of voice in check. Basically this is the hardest goddamn bullshit I have ever fucking done! It has been hard for me to do all of this, during this process of non smoking. I try and remember that a non smoker will not, and does not care what I am going through. So I try and keep that in mind when dealing with people. I know this is all worth it in the long run, but goddamn this is tough. I have been coughing more than normal. My chest and lungs have been hurting more than normal. My lungs, and chest have been slowly feeling better withing the last few days, so that's good. Because any longer of this cough and stuff, shit I would rather smoke. I have noticed my sense of smell, taste, and hearing have gotten better. That is really weird to me. My breathing has gotten better also. I expected that part. It feels like I am rambling about this, but my head has had so much going on in it, that rambling on a blog is pretty much normal. It is hard for me to concentrate. It is hard for me to do a lot of things lately. Everyone says that all should get better with time. I sure hope so.

  I smoked when I was bored, stressed out, happy, sad, mad, confused, just anytime. So what I am finding hard to do is to un-associate all those activities, and find new ways to deal with everything. I work with a lot of smokers. So I am constantly smelling the smoke. It is gross to me but it is also calling to me. I can smell the nastiness of the smoke in the elevators, and hallways. It smells like the person was smoking in that exact spot. Then I think to myself, wow I must have smelled like shit to people. I'm not saying that I didn't know that I smelled like smoke, I just didn't know it smelled that bad.

 I know this will eventually get easier. it already has for me. Today is easier then the first, and third day. So the 14th day, will be easier then today. It takes a lot of work and self control, and patients. I'm am moving forward.