Week three 9/30/15.

 So this is my third week of my new job. I can't believe it's already been that long. It seems like I just started yesterday or something. As the days go on, I do feel like it is getting easier. I do still get anxiety and nervousness, but it fades very quickly. That's a huge step for me and my anxiety. It's weird, I was stuck in one building for eight hours or more, now I want more than two a day. How crazy is that? I know there is going to be interesting things that happen, but I'm ready for it. I'm still getting used to the company truck, but it's getting better and easier for me. I finding the buildings easier now. I need to work on the best and most efficient routes to take. I know the way I take, but can I improve upon it? I also need to work on the time I leave my house to go to certain buildings, but that will come in time. Right now, I'm excited for this and I'm thankful for the opportunity I was given. 

Weekend review for 9/26 - 27/15.

 So this is my first weekend review in a long time. I just haven't had the time to do one, but I really miss it. So here we go. Friday night, we rented The Age Of Adeline and Mad Max Fury Road. The Age Of Adeline was actually a really good movie. The premise has been done before, but they did this movie so well. The actors were amazing and they sold their characters. By the end of the movie, you're rooting for Adeline to find true love. I highly recommend this movie. Next up was Mad Max. This is a sequel to the first three movies. Tom Hardy actually did really good. He played Max aswell as Mel Gibson did. There was a couple times that I wanted more Max, as in more talking or something. Charlize Theron, did amazing in this movie too. This movie was non stop, over the top, as it supposed to be. I will be buying this for my collection. 

 Saturday, since we're on my new schedule, we get to wake up earlier than we had before. Which is really nice and it makes for longer days. We had a bunch of errands to run. We headed out and went to Walmart for a couple returns. Then we dropped off some clothes at the drop box. We then got Melissa's car washed. It hadn't been done in a while. I know, I know, but we have been busy. We got gas and picked up Christianos for dinner. After that we headed over to Oil Can Henry's for an oil change. We usually go to Grease Monkey, but we wanted to try this out. Note to self, get oil change first then car wash. There was more oil and grease on the car then to begin with. I'll try them again, but I'm still up in the air. After that, we headed over to McDonalds for lunch. We headed home and we ate lunch. We watched some shows and relaxed. Saturday night, we watched some more shows and the headed upstairs. We turned on Netflix and watched a documentary on college rape. They say 1 in 5 girls get raped at college, how fucked up is that. 

 Sunday, we had our normal house chores to do. I had to mow the lawn and we cleaned out all three cars. Melissa vaccumed and dusted while I finished the lawn. After all that we had lunch. We looked at the ads and The Avengers Age Of Ultron comes out on Friday. I am picking that up for sure. We finished laundry and we watched some shows. We watched Fear The Walking Dead. I like the show, but it seems kinda slow. From what I read, The Walking Dead is too. We watched a few more shows and Melissa went to bed and a little later I did too. So all in all, it was a really good weekend. I hope yours was too. Till next time. 

A new week.

 So all last week, I was training. This week I am officially on my own. I'm kinda nervous and scared. I have to think back to my first days at my old job. It's hard to do because it's been so long ago. I know I was more scared then. I hated riding elevators, I didn't know how to use the site phone and I was left alone for quite a few hours. That's regular though, that's a common thing with anyone. Soon after I arrived, that all went away, now it's time to figure out what I need to do. I know what to do, but I need to learn these places and it will get easier as it goes. Being at two buildings a day will help with boredom and complacency. So it breaks down to three and a half hours at each place. A half hour for lunch and half hour for drive time. That's not bad at all. 

 Day two, so I'm starting at a different building then I ended at. Then I'm going to the same building as I started with the day before. It sounds weird, but I kinda like it. I get mileage reimbursement for going to a different site. I have computer training class at a different building also today. I'll just take it hour by hour and go from there. This is a marathon, not a race. 

It is official.

 On Friday, I called my boss and quit. I said my last is Saturday and I'm dropping all my uniforms off and that's it. He said next Saturday? I said no, tomorrow. He said okay. I explained to him that I could not pass this up any longer. And I needed to go to a training thing on Sunday so I need it off and Monday I start work. I don't have a a training thing on Sunday, but I do need the day off. So after officially 12 years at my job, it's over. 

 I came into work today, not really wanting to at all. I get a call asking if ill work a double today. I say no, that's not happening. They say well stay for four hours then. I say no, that's not happening. I say have the person come in early and I'll train them for a few hours, then at five, I'm gone. They say we'll work on it. Oh and on top of it, I got a trainee spring on me today. I mean info get it, but this is actually a courtesy to you, not me. I don't need to worry about what this place thinks anymore and I won't be wasting anymore of my time on this. So this whole morning, I have this doichebag asshole, trying to tell me that this amazing job "doesn't need to pick the top caliber, because they're a small company". I say they actually can pick whoever they want and who knows how many people they had apply. I'm trying to talk to basically a kid who lives at home with mommy and who doesn't have a girlfriend or wife. Okay dude, when you get to where I need to be, let's talk, otherwise shut the fuck up. And this is just another reason why I am leaving this toxic, bullshit, not caring company. They treat their employees like shit, so in turn those employees treat other people like shit. They don't care if someone's lays all the time or calls off until someone complains. Then they turn around and treat people who actually want to work, like absolute shit. How does that make sense? They don't want people with a brain, they want a warm body, any body in a chair for the shift. How does that make sense? Yes I am bitter. Yes I am pissed. Yes it did leave a bad taste in my mouth. I'm not completely bad nothing this company, but this is all ridiculous. This job wasn't all bad, but there was more bad then good. That's why when I look back, there will be more bad then good memories. 

 People always wonder why other people are pissed off all the time. It's cause they get treated like shit, trying to live. This old company has a huge turnover rate, why? Because they don't look for quality, they look for anything. Yes I know that sounds bad for myself even, but I have worked my ass off to be where I'm at now. 12 years! 12 years, I have put up with all kinds of shit because I needed to make a living for my family. And that's my job to do that, but I don't need to not be appreciated. Even when I would work extra hours or come in early for a shift, I never got a thanks. How fucked up is that? Then they want to hold shit over your head, even when you just busted your ass for them. That's wrong, that's not right. Looking to the future, it already looks better. These new people, already seem way better. The emails and voicemails are already better. I'm sad to see parts of this chapter closed, but oh, am I so ready to see the new one open. 

Everything was a test that ended in validation.

 When things at my old building turned for the worst, I thought it was over. I thought I was screwed and I just ruined our lives. I know everything happens for a reason, you just have to find out the reason. I had close to 12 years of experience working in the same building. When the opportunity for site supervisor came about, I was like this is my chance to move up and make a career out this. It came down to three people for it. We all got our first and second interviews. When I wasn't picked I was pissed off. I couldn't understand why they didn't pick me. I know the building with my eyes closed. I was told that I was "rough around the edges", that "sat down aggressively" and they were looking for a new direction. They ended up picking a almost a year in new guy, but he had military experience. Okay, okay, I get it. Okay time to focus on getting better. I can do this, it's not like I haven't ever been turned down for a supervisor position. In fact, my first time, I never even got a call back. I got some generic email saying they weren't interested. I waited a couple of years and tried again. This time I got a call back and a interview. My manager told me that my application was "pulled out of the garbage to give me a shot". Wow, that's some harsh shit to hear. Well obviously, I didn't get that one either. That's why I was so hopeful for this third time around. 

 A person can only take so much before stop giving a shit about anything. So after the third disappointment, that's when the whole asshole thing happened. That's when I was kicked out of my site I had been working at for almost 12 years. I had never been written up before and I was never in trouble. I worked extra shifts a good amount of times. And that's how I get treated. Again, I know it was serious, but it was not that serious. So I got thrown into this Stone Age, soul and life sucking building. I have this crazy schedule and no Saturday, Sunday weekends. I had to fill in for another site that was up near Factoria mall. The only good thing was, I was able to talk to an old coworker, who was now site supervisor there. She was telling me about all these people she has written up and they're still working there. She told me about a person who management does not like, but still works there. Wow, is that so!? Clearly the office was out to get me. So I had been applying for different jobs. I found a health care place that sounded amazing for me and my career. I found a couple other places that would be okay for what I am doing know. I had a couple interviews, but nothing was panning out. As I was traveling between all theses places, anxiety was getting to me. Panic attacks, were affecting me. I would be stuck in traffic or traveling farther than I was before. This was happening as I was trying to get used to my new building. My new schedule. I heard from an acquaintance, that our ex friends grandma had died. Now I am not a ruthless, heartless asshole, I was not about to call them. Melissa thought we should send them a card. I really didn't want to, but we did anyways. 

 Today on my way to work, I had a moment of clarity. I was thinking to myself, that this was a test, all of it was. I said no to two jobs because they wouldn't work. I had an interview with the  health place and an interview with another place where I was placed on a call list. The health job, would have me driving all over the place on the freeway stuck in traffic, just all of that. I would be interacting with all sorts of people. My test? It was to get me prepared for all of my responsibilities. Traffic, different buildings, different people, just all sorts of different from what I'm used to. This morning, Melissa and I saw two Hawks flying around our house. We have seen Hawks before, but not two flying around with each other. My old supervisor texted me and said the health place called him and it went good. The clarity, the tests were for this moment, this is what I have been waiting for. I was called by the health place and was offered a job and I accepted it. 

 Everything happens for a reason. I was supposed to go through all of this, all of these tests to make sure I was ready. Well I am, I am ready for this new chapter. I feel validated but the fact that this company liked everything about me and my experience to give me a job. You can't have a future, without a past. You can't live in the past, you have to look to the future. 

Monday 9/7/15.

 It's weird, I talked to my old supervisor today and it seemed like he didn't want to talk to me. Well that's fine, just remember, you owe me. I conveyed to him the importance of him answering any phone calls due to him being my reference. I told him that I would stop using him and he said no that's okay, you still can. Are you sure? Is that too much of an inconvenience to you? Cause it sure seemed like it. What sucks is, these last two jobs I had an interview with, he is my reference. So he and I are basically, stuck for these ones. I am definitely not using him anymore for my next applications. So my interview with the job I want happened. I can't get my hopes up at all, but I'm always thinking about it. Lately, it seems like I just need something positive to think about. My new building is soul sucking and if I think about what I lost, I get pissed and stressed. I do know what happens when we get our hopes up though. And it normally doesn't end well. Sometimes things work out and sometimes not. I try to not get stressed and have anxiety, but it's super hard. Sometimes I catch myself not even enjoying what I used to like. That's no way for anyone to live. Saturday night, I felt anxious, nervous and I had a huge headache. I barely got sleep and it was a long day. Why? Why did that happen? So I got to work and it was fine. Sunday night, I got home from work and I was able to relax and enjoy our night. It still feels weird to me, working on Saturday and Sunday. It feels even weirder, coming home and actually having time with Melissa. We normally wouldn't get this much time together because of our schedules. I like spending time together and it makes me happy. I know that if I got a new job and schedule, we would be so much happier. But again, right now that's risking too much on a hope. I don't know the point of this post, but I guess writing some issues down, helps.