Me against the stress.

Why does it always feel like I take 1 step forward, but really I take 2 steps back? I have been trying really, really hard to move on. To move forward. This is so much more difficult then I thought it would be. I swore to myself I wouldn't write about these "friends" because they aren't even worth the effort of lifting my finger to type. I actually need to start saying ex friends. Goddammit, I hate these people so much! I wish I could erase the part of my brain where all those memories are. I have our friends commitment ceremony coming up soon and guess what? They're gonna be there! Yeah! I'm so excited I can't even contain the joy, and happiness that is exuding from my whole entire body! If you couldn't tell that whole entire sentence was extremely sarcastic. I wish we would have said no to be in the faux wedding. We would have saved money, time, energy, and stress. I don't think people really understand what it takes to be in a wedding. It is nice to be asked, don't get me wrong, but damn, this is a lot of work. We have to show up early to help set up, then stay late to be apart of the wedding party festivities. This will be the last time I will ever! ever! be in a wedding, or ceremony.

We spent close to 300 bucks which we really didn't have, just to be a part of this mockery of a wedding. I would call these people right now, and say fuck you I'm out. But I was never ever raised that way, and I would never do that to someone. Karma is a bitch, and she will get you. So now all we can do is just suck it up, and deal with it. That last statement is the story of my life. I suck it up, and deal with it. You know how many times I have bitten my tongue so I wouldn't hurt someones feelings? When will it be MY time to not catch hurt feelings? I am to the point that if at this ceremony, they start shit with me, I am not going to hold back, I am going to flip my fucking lid and let loose. I am just so disappointed, and hurt that these people actually invited these people to this! If you don't like someone, and never talk to them, why in hell would you invite them to this? Really!? You want attention this bad? And I know that the ex friends made it a point to RSVP so it would get to us. I know they did, because the guy called himself and RSVP'd. This fuck never does something like this. He knows we are in the wedding party. So what are we supposed to do if they glare, or yell something at us? I just don't know.

How much can one person take? It's coming to the point that I don't even wanna be friends with the people who's having this faux wedding. Obviously, my wife, and I's feelings don't matter to them, so why should we care for theirs? Why keep people in your life that would do this to you? We will have no body there to talk to. We will be by ourselves most of the time, because everyone we do know will be busy doing other things. I hate the feeling of uncertainty, and the stressing about what might happen. I wish I had a surrogate like in the movie "The Surrogates" then I could just go and it wouldn't matter.

I just don't know what the hell to do!