Friday, January 20, 2012

Snow Storm 2012 Day 4!

 So it is day 4 of the snow storm. This has been one hell of a journey of bullshit! I was stuck at work for 2 nights. I was prepared with stuff, but damn. Days 1 here, 2 here, and 3 here.  That was the most horrible shit I have been through in so long. My wife was home by herself the whole time. We had spotty power outages. Luckily it wasn't as bad as some places I have heard about. Well today is the good part. I actually got to go home last night. I had my beautiful wife waiting for me with a home cooked meal, and some fresh baked cupcakes. That is a damn good welcome home if I have ever seen one. I had a nice hot shower this morning. I just feel better than I have. I'm still trying to get back to normal with like the routines, and just knowing I will be able to leave. I know people did and do have it worse but that was about as much as I could take.

Here is to the raining weekend.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Snow Storm 2012 Day 3!

 Damn am I getting tired of writing that! So here it is. It is 7:21 AM. I am at work because I was stuck here again because of the snow. Oh and I am working 16 hours today. I told you about Days 1 here and 2 here . I have been sleeping at my building for the last two nights. I am hoping and praying that I will be able to go home tonight. If I don't, I really think I am gonna go crazy like "The Shining" movie. "All work and no play makes Ben a dull guy". Ha ha. No really it's not that bad, but I am ready to be home.

 If anything cool happens today I will update this post because obviously this is to damn early for a blog that encompass' the day. (Did I really just use that big of word this early in the morning? Damn I must be still sleeping. Ha ha)

This is what the outside of my building looked like this morning. All that snow now equals pure compact ice.

Frozen branches.
Frozen Starbucks. But hot coffee goodness is what I needed.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Snow Storm 2012 Day Two!

 So yesterday I told you about "Snowmaggedon" . Well it's day two and it has gotten worse. My wife told me that we got another 2 inches at our house. I slept at work last night, and we got like 3 or so inches here. So it kinda looks like I will be stuck at work again tonight. This sucks really bad. I hate snow. Hopefully it clears up? Or magically disappears tonight before I leave (I know it's wishful thinking).

Oh well, there is nothing I can do about it. I am trying not to stress out, but damn is it hard.

We are so desperate to move the snow, we are using leaf blowers! Ha ha.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Snow Storm 2012!

 Or as in what our news stations are calling it: "Snowmageddon 2012!" At my house we have 7 inches. We are supposed to get anywhere between 2 to 10 inches. That actually is a lot of snow for Seattle. We haven't had that amount of snow for years. When we did have that much snow, we were pretty much shut down. Well I am staying at work, and picking up some extra shifts if need be. Why not make some extra money if you are already there? Hopefully it isn't as bad as they are saying but who knows?

These are some pictures that my wife, Melissa took of our house this afternoon. If it get's any worse she will be snowed in.

Here is the difference of an hours drive. A tiny bit of snow, some sunshine. Yes Seattle is that crazy with it's weather.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Seventh Day.

 I have not smoked a single cigarette, or even inhaled any cigarette smoke, in seven days. This is just the start of my seventh day, but I know I am going to be able to get through it. I still am having cravings. They are slowly getting better. Sometimes the cravings are just absolutely overwhelming. It almost feels like a panic attack. I get really antsy, aggravated, just irritable. I try and take deep breaths. Or I try eating a mint or something. Eventually the craving does go away, but sometimes it lasts for almost an hour. All these websites I have been reading about quitting smoking say cravings only last a couple of minutes. I wish it would only last a couple of minutes. I have been taking my time when doing activities. I have been trying to have more patients for people. I have to actively keep my tone of voice in check. Basically this is the hardest goddamn bullshit I have ever fucking done! It has been hard for me to do all of this, during this process of non smoking. I try and remember that a non smoker will not, and does not care what I am going through. So I try and keep that in mind when dealing with people. I know this is all worth it in the long run, but goddamn this is tough. I have been coughing more than normal. My chest and lungs have been hurting more than normal. My lungs, and chest have been slowly feeling better withing the last few days, so that's good. Because any longer of this cough and stuff, shit I would rather smoke. I have noticed my sense of smell, taste, and hearing have gotten better. That is really weird to me. My breathing has gotten better also. I expected that part. It feels like I am rambling about this, but my head has had so much going on in it, that rambling on a blog is pretty much normal. It is hard for me to concentrate. It is hard for me to do a lot of things lately. Everyone says that all should get better with time. I sure hope so.

  I smoked when I was bored, stressed out, happy, sad, mad, confused, just anytime. So what I am finding hard to do is to un-associate all those activities, and find new ways to deal with everything. I work with a lot of smokers. So I am constantly smelling the smoke. It is gross to me but it is also calling to me. I can smell the nastiness of the smoke in the elevators, and hallways. It smells like the person was smoking in that exact spot. Then I think to myself, wow I must have smelled like shit to people. I'm not saying that I didn't know that I smelled like smoke, I just didn't know it smelled that bad.

 I know this will eventually get easier. it already has for me. Today is easier then the first, and third day. So the 14th day, will be easier then today. It takes a lot of work and self control, and patients. I'm am moving forward.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012


 What is the meaning of that word anymore? Why would a mother choose one kid over another? I thought you weren't supposed to have favorites? I thought you stepped in when one kid was bashing the other one? If I bad mouthed my stupid sister, my mom would be like don't say that, don't talk shit about your sister. Lately it seems like mothers, and fathers, choose favorites. They pick either the oldest, or the youngest, lavish them with the gifts, and praise, and basically condemn the other. This is bullshit! I know someone who does this scenario. The youngest, doesn't do shit to deserve anything. The oldest basically put their self through school, and now is stepping out on their own. The parent is jealous, and hateful towards them. Why? You should be proud. Are you mad that you weren't able to do that yourself? You should not reward bad behavior, and you should not be jealous of your kid stepping out on their own.

 I know what it's like to have a sister, who gets a lot of attention. she would say the same about me as well. I guess in my situation it's all in how you look at it. I can absolutely say, I hate my sister. I always have. When she moved away from our house, it was a great time. I'm not saying I was a perfect angel, or I was the best younger brother. Actually, I was far from it. I acted out, I got in a lot of trouble, I screamed and yelled at my sister constantly. I couldn't stand her, she couldn't stand me. It just got worse as we got older. My mom never picked sides! She protected each of us when she needed to. If my mom was still alive, I have no clue how she would react to me, and my sister not talking for four years! I would hope she just stay neutral, but I don't know?

 I have been getting a lot of hits on my blogs, Why Do Assholes Prevail , and Why do people hold family in such high regards?. So I am gathering, a lot of people are going through this, or something similar. Why is this happening? Is it society that is changing? I don't know anymore. I used to think that family was the most important, then friends, then loves. Well now if you ask me, it's loves, and friends. Not family. They live their own lies. No that's not a typo, I said "lies". They believe in whatever kids better to them at the moment. and if you don't fit in, or they don't like something about you, they shun you. We spent Thanksgiving, with ourselves, and one of our close friends. We were the "outcasts", the unwanted people. But we made it the best Thanksgiving all three of us have had in a long, long time.

 So no, you don't need "family", you need only you, and it can be the best day, no matter what happens. Live your life how you want, with who ever you want. "Family" is just a word. It's not binding, it's not required. Your and my happiness is! This is a new year, and a fresh start. Let the "family" go on their own way, you go on yours. Don't feed into people's bullshit. And don't let someone else tell you how to live your life. There is no manual for life. Even if someone else lives their life a certain way, it doesn't mean you have to. don't take shit from assholes, that's "family" included.

Monday, January 2, 2012

New Years Resolutions.

So this will be my first post of 2012. I think it's only right to write about my new years resolutions. I know everyone comes up with resolutions, and some work, and some don't. I am one of those people too. I make them, then like a week or so later I break them. I try to come up with feasible, or obtainable goals, but I end up breaking them. Well I kinda started my new years resolutions last year, towards the end of the year. I'm not saying that it hasn't been hard, because it damn sure has been for me. So my top two resolutions were: lose some weight, and quit smoking. I actually have been losing some weight. I have been, with Melissa's help, controlling my portions, and not snacking as much. This has been really hard. I love food, and I love snacks. Chocolate, candy, just all that. Slowly but surely, I have been able to cut my portions, and snacks down. I am not starving myself either. I still do get snack and treats, just not as many as before. You can't just deprive yourself. It doesn't work. You will always be thinking about it. You can have a little of what you like. This has helped me, and Melissa.

A little portion is OK.

Now, on to smoking. I have smoked for 16 years. I have tried in the past couple of weeks to cut down, and then cut down, then quit all together. I have failed this a couple of times already. I have broke down and bought a pack or two, or three, and have smoked them like I use to, like a chimney. This is probably the hardest thing like this I have ever done. I do get mad, and disappointed in myself, but I have read a couple of articles saying slip ups will happen. I know other people feel the way I do when it comes to smoking. I just sometimes feel like I am the only one going through this. Or that this is only affecting me this bad. It feels like my body is being drained slowly of energy, concentration, just everything. I have read that this is normal, and other people feel this way. It is somewhat comforting to know that I'm not alone, but goddamn, is this hard. I cannot believe this tiny little thing has so much control over my body and mind. I am trying to go "cold turkey" people say that is a lot harder. I get that, I do. But my personality is all, or nothing. I can't just have a little bit, I need to have a lot.  I am trying and I am gonna try harder to do this. The longest I went with out smoking was, 72 hours. I am going to break my record.

I hope that maybe this give you some inspiration, or even if doesn't, know that you are not alone trying to fulfill your new years resolutions.